Why Do Women Love Sex With Their Ex?

Okay, ladies, I’m ready to tackle the age old question of, “Why do we always think it’s a good idea to sleep with our ex?” What are we doing? And why does it feel so good to do it? What is so appealing about the concept of sex with an ex?

 Gif taken from Cosmopolitan

Gif taken from Cosmopolitan

Let’s really talk about this specific kind of friends with benefits that always seems to get the better of us. After all, you’re NOT in a relationship anymore! You’re just friends now…who happen to have sex. I once heard someone say that if exes stay friends after they break up it means that they are still in love with each other or they were never in love to begin with.

So what does it mean, when we can’t help but sleep with our ex?

Surely, we could still be in love with each other. Granted I’m not a serial monogamist by any means but when the serious relationships I had in my life ended, it was never because of any lack of love. It was because we saw different futures for ourselves and it was impossible to grow together. We broke up because our futures weren’t compatible – and that leaves two very unhappy people, trying desperately to take care of themselves, still very much in love. Some version of this scene played after all of my breakups. And we end up seeking comfort from the person who knows exactly how to take care of us. And comfort ends up taking the form of sex.

Speaking of sex, to be frank, it’s hard to let go of good sex. I’m beginning to think that sex isn’t as easy as we think it is. Sure, we all act super casual and blasé about it. And sometimes we just need to have sex. To get it out of our system, to feel empowered, to relieve stress, for whatever we need it for. But the best sex I’ve ever had was with a partner who knew exactly what I liked, who I was extremely connected to. And when you breakup and you don’t have that luxury anymore and you feel like you have to train that guy you met on Tinder – that’s a hard pill to swallow. And in your mess of emotions and sexual frustration, sleeping with ex seems like an increasingly good idea.

And maybe sex with an ex plays into the fantasy or hope that this time it might be better. This is probably our subconscious indicating to us that we are not ready to move on. But just because we’re not ready to move on doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. After the tears and the long conversations, all we want is our significant other. I think that we all carry this hope that without the pressure of a relationship, this could work out. And it feels good and familiar. It’s a little bit of hope that we can be better this time around – both individually and as a couple.

And honestly, I’m not sure if that hope is worth anything or that trying it again can lead to a better relationship. That’s never been my experience but I can say that I’ve have had some pretty mind-blowing ex sex. I don’t know what this says about me but it’s definitely something I have accepted. So the jury’s out – we may suspect why we all secretly love to indulge in ex sex, but will we ever break the habit? Have you?

Carrie.gif