What Key Things You Should Look For In A Sexual Partner?

Sometimes it feels impossible to find someone you’re actually compatible with and even harder to find someone who you’re sexually compatible with. We’re meeting more people than ever before especially with app dating ingrained in our culture. And more options mean more options to weigh. In light of the #MeToo movement, we are now being even more careful with who we trust. So here are 3 things that I think we all should consider when looking for in a sexual partner.

He listens to you!

 Gif taken from gfycat.com

Gif taken from gfycat.com

This is the most important thing a man can do for you in bed. (And oral is a close second! Kidding – I mean, kinda.) But in all seriousness, you want to feel safe with someone you’re being intimate with. I think we all treat sex with a pretty blasé attitude these days and we all have commitment issues that we forget being with some sexually is one of the most vulnerable positions to be in. And when you are that vulnerable, you want someone who listens to you. Who doesn’t just hear you. Someone who goes out of his way to please you and make you comfortable.

Dominant or Submissive

I’m not saying that your partner has to be into BDSM but I think everyone falls into a dominant or submissive role naturally – not even just sexually. I am naturally submissive. In a group setting for example, I am more likely to mediate a group than I am to lead it. I try to make the group members comfortable. Whereas someone who is Type A, is naturally more dominant. These can translate to the roles we play in a sexual situation. And they can most definitely switch from IRL to in the bedroom. Sometimes naturally assertive people prefer playing a submissive role during sex – as if it’s a break from always having to take the lead in life. And vice versa. Whatever your preference, I find it helpful to find a partner who is your opposite. Dominant and submissive go together like chocolate and peanut butter. Opposites attract and you will find yourselves naturally pleasing each other.

He’s open to communication

 Gif taken from GIphy

Gif taken from GIphy

I know it can be embarrassing to talk about sex especially with someone new. It makes you feel super vulnerable and there’s something about sexual interests that feels like you’re going to be judged. But a good partner should always be down to talk about it. You should feel comfortable enough with this person to talk about your interests, favorite positions, fantasies, etc. I know sex seems so spontaneous in movies and it can be. But nothing is sexier than a partner who wants to talk about what you both like. Sure, you can have good sex with someone you’re sexually attracted to but you can have GREAT sex with someone who knows exactly what you like.

Now, I know we all tend to rush things and a three-date rule seems doable and maybe even too long – but we forget sex is really intimate. And I want all you ladies to have great sex. And what I’ve learned is the more I expect from the right partner, the better sex I have. Hold them to these standards.