How To Be Protective Of Ourselves But Not Closed Off
I feel like the newest trap we all fall into in the modern dating scene is desperately attempting to protect ourselves while actively trying to not be closed off. Like how do we do that?
The options of meeting different people appear endless. So with a lot out there for us, I think we all kind of crafted this perfect idea of what we want and since the options seem unending, perfection feels almost attainable. So this subconscious desire in all of us ends up doing more harm than good. If you’re looking for commitment, it feels like it’s harder to find. When you’re not looking for a relationship, everyone wants to date you. We are so not matching up and this leaves us with a long history of almost-relationships, beat up hearts, and tired minds.
We learn from our mistakes and hold our heart a little tighter to us the next time around. But how do we protect ourselves just enough without closing ourselves off to the rest of world?
Know what you want
I think one of the major problems of today’s dating culture is not figuring out what we want before we’re already invested. We’ll get to know someone, date someone, and before you know it you’re consistently sleeping with them and you just realize now that you want a relationship with this person and they’re unsure about it. If you know what you want up front and make it clear, you could avoid getting attached all together and only open yourself up when there is definite potential.
Not everyone spews all of their emotions to everyone they know like I do. When you’ve been hurt in the past, it’s hard to open up. So just share a little at a time. You can tell when a person is receptive and actually cares. Share gradually and see if it becomes more comfortable for you.
Keep your body language open
There’s no shame in talking to people at bars. (Unless they’re creeps, of course.) If someone approaches you and they’re nice, maybe decide to have a conversation with them and keep your body language open. Crossing your arms is going to affect how you communicate and how people see you. I know you want to protect yourself but committing to making yourself available to talk isn’t going to harm you.
Honesty is actually deceivingly difficult to practice. When someone asks how you’re doing, you probably just say, “Good” or some other stock answer even if you’re anything but. When you practice honesty in your everyday life with the little things, it’s easier to open up about the big things like your emotions and your hopes for the future.