How Soon Do You Move On After A BreakUp?

After a breakup (after a week or two of crying that is), my first inclination is to start dating again immediately. Am I right? Whether it’s because you want to be the one to move on first or just because you feel like you can’t be alone – it seems that it’s a knee jerk reaction to date a bunch of people. But is jumping right back into the dating pool right for you? And when is it right? I’ve developed a few questions to ask yourself to uncover if you really are ready to move on. 

Are you swiping for numbers?

It’s important to know why you’re swiping. If you’re just looking for a quick shot of validation, you may turn to dating apps. And there’s no shame in that. But if you’re more interested in your tally than the quality of person, you may not be as serious about dating again as you thought you were.

Do you compare your dates to dates with your ex?

When you’re on a date with someone and have your garden variety first date small talk, are you comparing that to experiences with your ex? If you are, you may not be ready to give this guy a chance. Once you stop comparing your dates, that’s when you’ll be open enough to begin a real relationship.

Are you excited for a second date?

Do you actually want to see this person again? Or are you just going through the motions? If you really are just trying to keep busy, you probably aren’t ready to move on. Don’t make a second date and instead save everyone’s time.

Are you connecting during sex?

Are you really into this person? Sex after a relationship can be tough. You may not feel really present while you’re having sex. And it’s not really a good feeling. If you feel like sex has become a chore that you feel obligated to do – trust, me, it’s not. Only have sex when you’re feeling it, not to prove to yourself that you can.

I believe taking time to be alone is really important after a breakup. No guy or girl will heal yourself for you. People aren’t bandages for your pain. A date or new relationship will never be a quick fix for your heartbreak. Only you can heal yourself. So if you’re not ready to date yet, embrace it. Become comfortable with yourself again until you really have moved on.