Stop Blaming Yourself For Things You Cannot Control
This has been one crazy year. It took a lot out of me let me tell you. This year, I spent a lot of time self-reflecting and what I’ve discovered is not to blame myself for things that are out of my control. It’s easy to tell your friends to take it easy and not blame themselves for everything but that’s something I find myself doing all of the time. And it took one hell of year for me to realize this.
I am Virgo and take myself seriously and sometimes too seriously. I am a very responsible person and maybe take on more than I can chew. Sometimes things really are my fault but a lot of times they’re not. Something I’ve learned this year is that I can’t keep taking responsibility for the decisions the people around me make.
I think as women we are more likely to micromanage than men and we are also more acutely concerned with the feelings of those around us. And I’m not saying that caring about other people is a bad thing. Of course, it’s not! But being more concerned about how the people around you feel and neglecting your own mental health is a big problem. Prioritizing other people before myself always comes back to bite me in the ass.
Often times, I’ll take the blame for something to quick fix an argument or cover up my feelings in efforts not to cause drama. And that may be more convenient to the people around me but it is causing me emotional distress. Enough little things like that happen, you usually end up crying over something silly like when your best friend didn’t leave enough tip on her card.
Or another example is simply taking on other people’s problems. Sometimes I will insert myself into people’s busy schedules in hopes to relieve them of something. However I have my own busy, hectic schedule. And when I try to balance all of these things at once, something always suffers and I blame myself for that.
I don’t know when this idea became ingrained in my mind that I have to take responsibility for everyone around me. And I think that a lot of women also struggle with this whether it’s at their job, with their children, or in their social circle.
It gives me more peace that I identified this problem within myself and am consciously aware of it, so I can work on it. If you find yourself having the same “it’s all my fault” attitude, I challenge you to work towards changing this behavior as well.